Wrestling with My Thoughts

The endurance to out smart my intellection has been challenging. Since I was tiny, I over think everything. Every mood that stood next to me — every action. Everything I’ve done wrong — everything I’ve done right.

This left no room for imagination. I didn’t have time for that nonsense. I had to survive.

Now that I’m safe, how do I shut that mechanism of survival off?

King David wrote in Psalms 13,

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

This — a longing of my soul.

It’s tough. I don’t have all the answers. I built myself this way to survive. Anything else and terror may again surround me.

I don’t need to be told this is hypervigilance — I know it is. I’m doing my due diligence coming through what I came through, aren’t I?

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on May 30, 2022.

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