The Curse of Control

What can we truly control? Maybe the amount of flour we put in a recipe for chocolate cake. We certainly have control over that. What we don’t have control over is the amount of moisture in the air that will ultimately effect how that flour works in the batter.

What I’ve tried to control the most is love. No love in, no love out — except for my children. How do you think that worked for me?

Right! Not very well.

It’s impossible to control love, just as it is impossible to live without it.

I always picked people I knew would heighten my belief that most were ultimately damaged, wanted to hurt others and were woefully selfish. I could find them anywhere! What I failed to do was to look for people who had different skin — the kind of skin they knew could be hurt. Vulnerable people who were just trying to make their way through life.

They exist.

Control is an elusive tunnel where you just end up alone. If being alone is your goal, keep controlling.

We want to control what we eat, what we wear, what the guy next to us sounds like. We’d love to control what others believed, but is that really possible?

The older I get the more I like people who are different than me. They sound different, they think different and their opinions can be vastly different then the opinions I hold. That’s ok.

What control do I have to change any of it, really? Deeper still I ask myself now, “Why would I want to change anybody? Why do I feel like I need to change them?”

I have feet that work. If it’s that uncomfortable, I can move down the road. I don’t truly have to control a thing. Actually, now that I’m learning to let go and let God, my sleep is so much more peaceful.

Give it over to God and get on down the road.

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on November 12, 2021.

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Jodie Tedder

Jodie Tedder

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Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.