Shame Blooms in Darkness

Shame is a dark creature of the night. It was also a creature that was handed down to me in my youth.

I didn’t see that my parents dripped with shame when I was growing up — and, maybe they didn’t. You have to know what you’re doing is wrong first. Maybe some people just don’t.

Before I was old enough to think for myself, shame had become a visitor in my soul. I felt dirty, beaten up and used. What other script could have been written internally for me?

Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. This was the only thing I saw as a child so it was an obvious conviction to continue with for me.

The opposite of shame is indifference.

Here’s another problem with coming from childhood tragedy. The foolish behavior we saw we most often recreate as we grow. Shame is now layered upon shame.

“25 In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction?”

James 2:25

I love the story of Rahab in the bible. She is a prostitute that comes along with biblical history. Why? Because of her faith! She and her entire family were spared when God’s people took over her city. Later, this prostitute mothered Salmon who was the father of a great man of the bible, Boaz. She was in the genealogy of Jesus.

The overcoming power of serving a gigantic God!

I’ve done all kinds of things wrong as a result of coming from shame. More than I’d like to account for but I’m good with it now. I have a peaceful understanding and forgiveness for myself that I carry with me now.

I am also becoming indifferent to the shame of my past as I look forward to a better tomorrow.

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on December 16, 2020.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Jodie Tedder

Jodie Tedder

Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.