Shackled To Their Love

The burdens that come from a home of incest are often too great to bear. The deeper problem is — we don’t even realize we are carrying them.

Love should not be a burden but it was for me.

My father was a diabetic and, as my brother often said, “he’s been dying since we were 10.” I became the caretaker to his disease. If he’d have a diabetic reaction and needed glucose, he would often not take it from anybody else but me.

Love was designed in our home to only take and never give.

When I left my father and got married, those chains did not remove themselves but stayed heavily engrained in all that I did. Even when I became a mother, I was still bound to my father.

One night, I was stricken by a vivid dream. The dream began with a man crawling in a downstairs window at my dad’s house. He stayed in the house a long time. The dream finished with my father walking away from the house with a limp. It was really strange to me at the time but also something I couldn’t ignore.

I prayed about the dream. I knew that the man who crawled through my dad’s window was evil. It was like death had come in through his window. I opened my bible and ironically read about a six-month time period. Strange to me, but notable, I looked ahead on the calendar six months and made note of it.

Almost to the day, six months after that dream, my father was rushed to the hospital were he laid fighting for his life. I was in my 20’s and still close to my family. I ran to his side believing that this would be the time he recanted his lies and led the family in true love.

We had only just confronted the abuse as a family a few months prior to this incident.

What did this whole thing teach me?

As my father struggled for his life, I didn’t leave his side. I sent the family home to rest and stayed with him. Praying earnestly for him. When he was well enough to leave the intensive care unit and have his breathing tube removed, I rushed to his bed, sat down and took his hand. I was sure he was now ready to give me his unconditional response of love. Having just come through a near death experience, I believed he would be a better man.

He used his weak breathe to say to me, “I have my life. I have my baby girl with me. And, I still have this lie. “ I pushed him away, immediately burst into tears and left his hospital room.

God was teaching me then I had to go. I had to take the burden of this false love off my shoulders and carry on in life.

Love is not a burden when you find the true meaning.

When my father was released from the hospital, he walked with a limp. God is always teaching us, if we are listening to Him.

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on October 1, 2020.

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Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.

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Jodie Tedder

Jodie Tedder

Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.

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