I need to scream, I want to scream, but I find that I cannot. Won’t that kind of anger make me like my father? Won’t I look like my abusers if I let my scream fly?

I’ve cried for hours, seems like days sometimes.

Maybe I need to scream?

I remember my counselor of many years telling me to go out into the woods and

but I never did. I couldn’t.

Oh, I can scream at my husband and let some of it out there, but that’s the wrong avenue — he didn’t do any of it.

I need to scream.

I witnessed a murder and no one cared. I was raped and sodomized from childhood until my teens — no one cared. Then, my children received a father who would do the same crimes to them. Oh, we told, but no one cared.

I need to scream, but I can’t. Maybe I won’t.

If I scream doesn’t it make me look crazy? What proof do I have of any of it? If I had proof, would I scream?

Originally published at on June 28, 2022.



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Jodie Tedder

Jodie Tedder

Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.