Protect Yourself

So many people around me go back into their buckets from childhood and gather strength. When feeling rejected, they go back and grab a memory of a mother’s love or a father’s deep concern. When they feel picked on, they recall words from a loving parent teaching them the ropes.

Not so in my case. Returning to my girlhood bucket casts me into despair with its pockmarked imprints of abuse, neglect — damage.

So, I began protecting myself — from others. I felt it was my only option but learned that this was no protection at all. In doing so, the only people I looked at were them. I never looked at myself. In that plight, I further imprisoned me and my children.

An angel told me once to see myself. It was a game changer. Dehydrated from all my efforts of self-protection and keeping people at bay, I finally got it. You see you, Jodie. That is what God is always saying.

Protection came naturally as I began to see how much integrity came through the lens of seeing myself, my needs, my wants — my hope.

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on June 16, 2022.

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Jodie Tedder

Jodie Tedder

Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.