Neglected, But Not Destroyed
Like trying to dance in a field of thorns, so it is for the broken to walk through life.
There wasn’t a piece of my childhood that was protected or safe. Nothing mattered when it came to who I was. I was just meant for the pleasure, or hatred, of those I was born to.
Neglect is an interesting word, isn’t it. What does it truly mean?
It is the state of being uncared for.
How do you learn to care for yourself or those around you when you’ve never been taught what care looks like? I’m not sure, but I know I’m supposed to understand what it means.
Our minds can interpret what our souls cannot produce.
It has been the unconditional love of a Heavenly Father that has changed me. Cared for me, if you will. No matter what sins I create, no matter how far I walk without caring for myself, He is there.
He is there waiting for me everywhere I turn. He understands the cracks that were created in me when I struggled through year after year unnoticed, bleeding and suffering under my parents watch.
He knew. He knows. He saw. He is my witness. And, He cares.
When I think my bed will comfort me
and my couch will ease my complaint,
14 even then you frighten me with dreams
and terrify me with visions,
15 so that I prefer strangling and death,
rather than this body of mine.
I have known what it is to find comfort nowhere. Not in sleep, nor in death. I also know what it is to find solace. It’s not found in some contrived notion that I have arrived to a place of healing. It is found in renewed hope. The glory of change. Agony restored through mercy and grace.
If I don’t find love for myself, I can never give it to another.
Do you know how God defines love?
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13
That is enough for me.
Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on October 14, 2021.