My Father’s Cloak of Religion

Wicked schemes like incest are born from pure evil. How does evil hide itself? Often veiled in a religious clock of denial.

Oh, he was a righteous man. He knew the bible and went to church.

What a great cover story!

The man who took my virginity now gets to teach me about god.

This religious cult that I was born into offered me nothing but a life of silent obedience. I knew exactly what my father wanted from me. I complied while I lived with him and, unfortunately, that stench of religion stayed with me long into my adult life.

The god of my father is not the God that I know and love today.

Speechless Horror
Our most surprising finding was a white spot in the left frontal lobe of the cortex, in a region called Broca’s area. In this case, the change in color meant that there was a significant decrease in that part of the brain. Broca’s area is one of the speech centers of the brain.
. . .
Without a functioning Broca’s area, you cannot put your thoughts and feelings into words.
. . .
Victims of assaults and accidents sit mute and frozen in emergency rooms; traumatized children “lose their tongues” and refuse to speak.

the body keeps the score, bessel van der kolk, m.d. (page 43)

After the many assaults I received as a child and into my teenage years, my mind easily formed whatever words my father gave to me. My own stories were lost in this form of manipulation. In an attempt to wipe out the damage he had done to me, he flooded me with his religious bullshit and brainwashed my attempts to think for myself.

I can be sure that this is why my story was kept hidden for the first parts of my adult life. I can also be sure this is why I stayed with yet another abusive man in my first marriage.

The journey to first come out of this religious blinding was my first course of action. Once I pulled that away from the integrity of myself, I was able to find my voice and begin telling my story.

I stay far away from any form of religious spirit now.

Sometimes I think my use of profanity is because:

1) As discussed above, I have not always had meaningful words for what I’m feeling, particularly during a flashback; and

2) It always keeps the religious assholes away from the door stoop to my soul.

Jesus came to testify to the end of any religion as a means to knowing God. He is our freedom fighter.

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on November 17, 2022.

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Jodie Tedder

We write openly about our sexual childhood abuse, not only because we need to express but because we want to shine some light on this difficult healing path.