Idle Hands

Childhood tragedy has wreaked havoc on my nervous system. My shoulders stay tense and my mind constantly active. Staying busy has helped. Sometimes, I move too much. I have a lot of energy — or angst.

Angst is defined as, “a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically an unfocused one about the human condition or the state of the world in general.”

This is a great definition for the cloud of anxiety that has floated above my head continuously through my life — sometimes without reason.

Working in a law firm continues the anxiety but it is not dreadful. There is a delicate dance in life to find ways to live with a traumatic internal mechanism. I sometimes find the distraction of anxiety to be a gift. With it I have energy beyond my years. With it I move in directions and get a lot accomplished. I certainly don’t stay stagnate.

Anxiety doesn’t have to be your enemy. I have battled with it for years. Fighting the urges to give into the negativity of it by collapsing under full blown panic attacks, weakening my defenses to survive.

I have learned to make it my friend. Throwing away its negative impacts I use it to my advantage.

Doesn’t make sense to you?

Consider the person preparing for a marathon. Their bodies pump up with adrenaline — feels much like anxiety doesn’t it?

Sure it does!

Next time anxiety comes knocking, try to find a way to use it to your benefit. Make it your friend and it won’t work so hard against you.

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on February 28, 2022.

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Jodie Tedder

Jodie Tedder

Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.