How Do I Forgive A Liar?

Dear Heavenly Father,

This earthy family I came through stands with the lies that surround our incestuous past. I am angered at their lack of attempts to join forces with me against evil. Not only do they not walk with me, they actively try to discredit me.

Why?

They cannot listen to my story, because they will not listen to their own.

A murdered woman is buried on my sister’s property. I ask her to allow an excavation that I will fund. She denies me. Then, her ex-husband tells me, “Your sister planted trees over that site.”

What?

Oh, so that’s a reason to not disturb the dead! They obstruct justice and get away with it. You bet I’m mad. I’m furious. Fuck them for their lack of strength — dignity is something they’ll never know.

Okay, Lord, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to forgive, but I don’t know how in this case. Won’t my forgiveness increase their appetite to lie and cover the truth? Won’t my releasing them to you secure them on their path of destruction?

Maybe it is my love for them that keeps me stuck. Maybe it is their lack of love for me that sets my heart ablaze.

Okay — yes, Lord. I will try.

Can I still scream at the top of my lungs how much I hate them for all the years they’ve betrayed me? They all have literally stood in line against me — against the truth.

Give me courage, Lord, and give me strength to overcome this.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on June 15, 2022.

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Jodie Tedder

Jodie Tedder

Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.