Diving for Memories

Memories for the abused are unwanted. In conversation, the goal is to listen to person I’m talking with. People love sharing their stories and I’m a good listener.

My memories aren’t worth being shared. A pretender I am not.

Fishing through the past I could throw away all the burdensome darkness or I could choose to pretend.

The internal dialogue we have with ourselves usually doesn’t end with — Yes, that’s the story I’ll bring with me — the worst of my memories. A more realistic inner prompting sounds a little like -Oh, there’s a memory of that beautiful doll I got when I was six. I’ll tell that story and keep the dark secrets hidden. That way people will like me.

The issue with our mind is the desire to deny. We long to make our story better than it is. We need to end with the notation that we had parents that cared for us. Even in their darkness there was love, we convince ourselves.

Not having the effort for such nonsense, I’ll just listen to the bystanders that tell me they can’t listen to my story — it’s just too much.

Here’s a great example: A Reddit post asked, “What are some downright disturbing facts you know?”

PrisonerbyNoCrime: I witnessed a murder and the killers got away with it.

Caillouistheworst: Details please.

Melano: Check her post history — but brace yourself. It’s a far more intense, horrifying ride than I was prepared for.

Calliouistheworst: Thanks, stranger

Edit: I saw the sub she posts under and noped the fuck out. I don’t want any part of reading anything like that.

PrisonerbyNoCrime: Imagine living through it. It’s great you have the option to opt out. Millions of us don’t have that option. I write and share for us. Uniquely aimed for the broken. Have a wonderful 2022!

Calliouistheworst: I can’t imagine it, and can’t read that, and I’ve seen some messed up subs on here alone, and even old stuff like rotten.com. Some things are just too fucked up.”

That’s what it is to stay with the truth for me. And, I’m going stay with the truth anyway.

The strength in my little finger is more than these folks have in their entire being. Stay strong. Keep with the truth. Keep telling your story.

God is with you!

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on January 13, 2022.

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Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.

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