A Covenant of Love

If you’ve missed the part of my story where I saw my parents full of hope and love, I guess I haven’t shared that with you yet.

Bonnie and Clyde loved each other deeply. In a bond against the world, they survived. I have sometimes compared my parents to this daring duo.

Growing up, they were my world. I wanted to be apart of their love story. I ached to belong, but I was separate. I was just a toy in their world. They had a love/hate relationship that was so well-crafted, it was hard to distinguish the two.

I wanted to be part of their bond.

For years, I desperately tried to remain apart of my family. I tried to empathize the way in which they portrayed themselves to the world. Alas, I was hard pressed and burdened by the true facts of the story.

I’ve had to grieve a considerable amount over the loss of what I wanted my parents to be. I ached for them to continue on a road that would heal them. I longed for them to be set free. I had to give that all over to a God who could work miracles, because that’s what my parents needed.

If I stayed in the destructive winds of my yesteryears, I would lose the battle.

I don’t fight this battle anymore. I’ve walked away from it completely. If there is more forgiveness to be found, they will have to walk towards the light. I cannot lead them. into it.

I have found peace with it — all of it, because I trust in His unfailing love.

Originally published at http://prisonerbynocrimeofmyown.com on August 29, 2020.

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Jodie Tedder

Jodie Tedder

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Incest. Murder. Rape. Then, I turned four. This is my story.